Going to the mattresses, again and again and again.

The goal is simple. Go to bed. Go to sleep. Wake up feeling refreshed. 

It really isn't asking too much.

The Goal

When we got back from our trip to Germany and Romania, it became quite obvious we needed a new mattress. Getting rid of the old one wasn't terribly hard. We hauled it out to the back porch and then my husband took it to the dump. Since they recycle mattresses, we didn't even have to pay a fee. We set up our air mattress (the one we keep for guests) on top of our box spring.

My apologies to all our guests we made sleep on our air mattress.

Next, we brought the very thick memory foam pad that's in our trailer and set it on top of the air mattress, and that made it better. Except for the fact that it felt like we were sleeping ten feet in the air balancing on a giant marshmallow perched precariously on a slippery eel resting on the back of a turtle. But it was more comfortable than the mattress now at the dump, so we had some breathing room to decide our next move.

We discovered a site for people looking for the perfect mattress, called Sleep Like the Dead. Yes, a very dreadful but catchy name full of tons of mattress reviews from real live people.

We read lots of reviews, and thought a lot about our sleeping styles. Are we Back Sleepers? Snorers? Side Sleepers? Or the dreaded Stomach Sleepers? Without naming any names, let's just say between the two of us we have a Side/Back Sleeper, a Snorer and one who sleeps kinda sideways, kinda face down with one leg bent out like a crroked tree limb.

Since our friends love their Sleep Number bed, we finally decided on a version of an air bed called the Innomax. What better sleep system than for each of us to have our own firmness setting? A nifty little controller lets each person decide if they prefer a soft, medium or firm mattress. Perfect!

When it came we lifted our marshmallow/slippery eel combo off our box spring and put it on the guest room futon. Then we read that the Innomax's pump needed to "climatize"for 24 hours before setting it up. Another night of precarious sleep awaited us, but we were excited about the bed with the options.

A week later we took it back to Sam's Club. Why? OFFGASSING! It smelled so strong of chemicals and vapors that I felt my lungs were burning. We also were putting both our settings on the same number, so it sort of defeated the whole purpose of a dual pressure bed. I think they must work much better for people who have a king sized bed, because when we took it apart, each air mattress only measured 25 inches across. So much for the air bed, it was time to move back into the guest room and keep looking for the perfect mattress.

The innards of the offgassy wonder!

It came in this box? Really?

What a roll of packing tape and persistence can do.

Mattress number two was a mid-priced Serta from Sam's Club, the place that was so pleasant in its return policy of the Innomax. You can actually lie down on the mattresses at Sam's Club. I suggest not going in a dress, that's my advice. But you can lie there, imagining you're at home all snuggled in your pj's, ready to doze off into a wonderful night of sleep. Until, BAM! Someone hits your mattress with their shopping cart. That sure doesn't happen at home.

We decided on a mattress, one I thought was a bit too firm, but maybe it was just the fluorescent lights glaring down on me from the warehouse ceiling? We got it home. It was very tall. And very firm. Too firm. After two nights of not sleeping on my side/stomach/leg kicked out like a bent tree limb, we (read my husband) gladly (read me) loaded the bed back onto the roof of our SUV and drove back once again to Sam's Club for yet another return.

When do you know you've made a lot of returns at Sam's Club? When you see Keith (yes, we're on a first name basis with Keith) in the parking lot as you drive in with your mattress, and without even asking, he goes and gets a rolling mattress cart to help you unload the thing. Thank you Keith, you are the man.

Really tall.
Really firm.
Really.

So there we were again, in Sam's Club, lying on the mattresses, trying not to be blinded by the fluorescent lights above. At least this time I wore pants, and no one hit us with their shopping cart. Strangely enough, we decided the cheapest Serta mattress was the one we wanted. It wasn't as high as a sky scraper, it didn't envelope us in a pocket of memory foam that acted like quicksand, and it wasn't so firm that we might as well just sleep on the ground. 

We finally got our mattress. Now about those slouchy couches of ours...

Not too tall,
Not too firm.
Not gassy at all.