Wednesday, August 1, 2018

If McDonald's Made Evening Gowns

Have you heard of the "slow food" trend? The antithesis of fast food, the slow food movement emphasizes quality over quantity and balks at the idea that food should be fast, cheap and/or good - quick pick two. Here's the basic concept:
  • Ignore the lure of convenient, cheap and "shovel ready" meals. It's not about speed - embrace the idea that preparing food isn't a waste of time. Food prep is an enjoyable part of a happy and healthy life.
  • It's not all about the price. It is OK to spend a bit more on high quality and superior tasting ingredients that will produce high quality superior tasting meals for your family.
  • Fake food is not food. Say no to genetically modified ingredients and products full of chemicals, additives and preservatives.
  • Making food takes time, and that's OK. Enjoy the process. Sit down for meals. Chop. Cook. Chew. Chill.
All new movements have to have their little clone movements, and so enters "slow fashion." Saying no to cheaply-made, in-this-year-out-the-next, poorly-constructed throw-away clothes, the slow fashion movement has the following advice:

  • Ignore the lure of cheap fashion. It's not about the price, it's about the quality of the garment. If you end up buying a timeless piece that you'll wear for years and years, you save money in the long run by purchasing well made clothes.
  • Look for pieces that were designed and constructed with care. Pay attention to pattern matching, how well the buttons are sewn on, how the seams are finished, is it lined, does the zipper seem to be high quality, is it made of natural fabrics, etc.
  • Know your style - don't just run in a store and buy anything off the rack. Examine your wardrobe and see what pieces may be needed, and then carefully shop for these items. Build a wardrobe, not a closet full of clothes.
  • Look for well-made, well-respected brands at thrift stores and in re-sale stores. 
  • Say no to cheaply-made, poorly-constructed clothing made from inexpensive fabrics. Clothes shopping isn't a race, it's a journey.
And that's been my goal for a while now. I just love the Talbots, Liz Claiborne and Jones of New York items I find at my favorite local thrift store in Sacramento,  Fabulous Finds on Fulton. It's right up the street on, you guess it, Fulton Avenue. I've been on a bit of a bright clothes kick, so you might want to slap on some sunglasses for the next photo.



Talbots, Jones of New York and my new Tommy Bahama skirt.
With bright summer Talbots sweaters to match!
Ignore the weird pose.
Look at the skirt.
It's got little tiny beads all over it.

This is the underside.
The beads are sewn on, not glued.
That's slow fashion.


Just a few weeks after I snagged my nifty Tommy Bahama skirt with the sewn-on, not glued-on beads, it was time for a very important clothes shopping trip. It was one I was dreading. I need a fancy evening gown (gasp!) for a social event in my near future. It's a wedding, and everyone is wearing long dresses. I'm not a long dress person. I didn't even wear a long dress at my wedding, I wore one with a handkerchief hem. I look bad in long dresses, really bad. They hit me in all the wrong places. They don't swoosh out where I swoosh out, unless I want to look like an extra on Gone With the Wind. I need that much swooshing. The worst kind of long dress imaginable on me is one with an empire waist. Back in the day, if I wore a dress with an empire waist, it looked like I was trying to hide being pregnant. Now it just looks like I'm trying to hide a grown person.

So it was with extreme negativity that I walked into my local Ross Stores, the den of fast fashion. But if my local Ross does one thing perfectly, it is they have lots of dresses. Ross DRESS for Less, no joke they have them. So, what was my plan?


  • Grab any long dress on the rack that was within 3 sizes of what fits me.
  • Look for colors that don't give me a migraine.
  • Loose threads and buttons? Ha! I'm never going to wear this thing again.
  • The price to hem it for this shorty will most likely cost more than the dress.
  • NO EMPIRE WAISTS! 
  • No sparkles. Ugh to sparkly fabric.
  • Why Oh Why does that invitation say evening wear? Can't that mean pajamas?
With little hope, I grabbed 6 long dresses off the rack. Five were very long. Trying not to trip, I made my way to the back of the store, I got my little card that said 6, and choose a dressing room with plenty of floor space to fall down into a fetal position and roll around wailing.

First dress. Ugh, Ugh, Ugh. No way, move on. It made me cringe even after I took it off. Ugh.

Second dress. Why am I even putting myself through this torture? Do people really have to have weddings? In the evening? Can we go back to the jumping over the broomstick thing, because that had to have been pretty fun, until someone decided weddings should be fancy. 

Third dress. Hmm. Double hmm. Why am I not shrieking in agony? I should be in tears by now. But hmmmmm. Could it be that this dress may possibly look good? It's long. And it's got some shimmer in it. I don't think it's my color. The waist is sort of empire style. It doesn't swoosh much. Quick, send a picture to the mother-of-the-groom, she'll be honest with me. 

Hey, she likes it! She loves it! I found a dress on the third try, it doesn't need to be hemmed. I don't even want to look at it closely because the stitches will probably fall off but I don't care because I'm not on the floor in a heap of tears. And it's only 20 bucks. Oh, Ross, if you are the McDonald's of fashion right now, I just got something delicious off the Dollar Menu and I'm lovin' it!


My McDress!!!!